Creating space: hygge or hoard?

The conversation went something like this:

MiL: I can’t find any white hand towels

Me: They’re on the bed in the spare room, there wasn’t any room in the drawers for them. Shall I go and get them for you?

MiL: No, I’ll buy some more when we go to Dunelm Mill

Me: I’m not sure you need any more, there’s lots of brand new towels still with labels on in the linen cupboard. Shall I go and find them for you?

MiL: No, I’m due some new towels anyway; I haven’t bought any for ages …

As someone who embraces minimalism, the suggestion that anyone could be ‘due’ to buy something new, even when there is clearly no need to do so, does not sit comfortably. The story of the towels is not unique. Since arriving here we have dealt with the hoarding of out-of-date food, and worse than that, out-of-date and unused prescription medicines. In fact, just prior to the towels conversation Mr VV and I had finally completed the medicine cupboard project and surrendered the final five shopping bags’ worth to the pharmacy. This was in addition to the earlier three bags. It is somewhat depressing that with NHS shortages and the sheer cost of medicines these will have to be destroyed. What a waste of money. However, a quick internet search revealed that we were not alone in experiencing this phenomena of hoarding in the elderly, especially prescription medicines. At least in the current virus panic they'll never run out of toilet rolls! 

The experience has made me realise that I actually find excessive consumption and hoarding very difficult to deal with. Lots of clutter makes me feel quite stressed; I like the simplicity of our hygge hut. Just coming in through the doors, with its muted, but coordinated colour scheme throughout, a few carefully placed plants, candles and pictures invokes a  sense of calm. But, I’m well aware that my lack of tolerance towards MiL’s obsessive purchases says more about me than her, and I must learn to be more patient. She is never going to feel ‘safe’ unless there are nine pots of moisturiser in the drawer and I don’t think we will ever overcome the hoarding habit. But we can try to introduce some order amongst the chaos.

So, she duly bought the new towels and a bedspread. And then asked me to help sort out the linen cupboard. Hmm … shouldn’t that be the other way round? Anyway, I hauled everything out onto the spare room bed and set about sorting the contents into bed sizes, matching up pillow cases with duvet covers and piling up the towels, blankets and bedspreads. The objective was to get everything back inside the huge linen cupboard, rather than it spilling out into plastic boxes and untidy piles. However, this was going to need some radical decisions, like actually getting rid of surplus. Initially, I encountered some resistance. I turned down offers of the stuff for ourselves, carefully explaining that we had a system of one set of bedclothes or towels in use and one set spare. When we deemed they had worn out, we bought new, donated the old (to animal rescue if too far gone) and then bought one new set.

Back in 2014 I blogged about the ‘keeping it for best’ syndrome, something my mother was well known for. Maybe it’s a generational thing. Project 333 certainly cured me of it. But I’m not sure MiL is open to Project 333’s philosophy, or a touch of Marie Kondo (though I have ordered the book for her, from the library 😊). Sadly, there’s no historic altruism here, so the idea of donating to any of the numerous local charities desperate for stuff did not sit easily. I needed to find a trigger that would enable her to let go. As we sat debating the merits of a thirty year-old sheet I commented, “Mr VV will need some old sheets to cover up when he paints your kitchen”. Permission had been granted and suddenly the charity donation pile began to grow, as did Mr VV’s rag bag.

At the end of our afternoon, all the bedding was sorted, the towels were back in drawers, all the surplus bagged up and everything was put away neatly in the cupboard (Marie Kondo style, of course). There’s still enough spares to start a haberdashery stall, but the seed has been planted. Now I just need to deal with the five electric salt and pepper mills in the pantry 😊